Ten Techniques that Help with Everything

When can crossing out all your goals be a good thing? Right now it can, believe me. Those goals you have made for 2022, that’s a great start! But now what I want you to do is write down all the steps you need to do every day to achieve them. And then cross out your main goals. Focus only on the actions you need to take every day, not the big goal. This is what will get you there, not daydreaming about the day you hit the biggie. So, tip one is to list your daily actions required to reach your goals and then cross out your main goal.

Think about the last 3 things you said to those around you. Were they positive, kind and encouraging, or might they have brought the person/people down. Don’t judge yourself harshly. We can all be like this from time to time. You need to start thinking about whether you are a multiplier or a diminisher. Multipliers bring out the best in those around them. They amplify the skills and intelligence of people, making it easy for people to be their best, to strive and push themselves. Diminishers want to be the smartest person in the room, the one providing all the answers, claiming all the credit. Diminishers do all the thinking for the team and shut down ideas and solutions from others. So, hold back your answers sometimes and let the team speak, encourage them to have a go, then speak carefully and assess, am I diminishing this person right now or am I multiplying?

Get out of your head and into your body. When you’re feeling overwhelmed or you can’t get something out of your head, it’s going round and round and driving you mad - get out of your head and into your body. This means, get up, go for a walk, do 10 push ups, or jog on the spot for a bit. Make your brain focus on getting your big muscles working rather than your brain. Do something physical, break the cycle. Don’t just sit there and be overwhelmed or letting your brain take over how you feel about yourself. Do something.

Box breathing. I bang. On about this all the time because it’a s super powerful technique to make sure you maintain calm and can be the person you want to be even when you’re under a lot of pressure. It’s not doing meditation every day, it’s an ongoing technique that you can slip in to your life at any moment without anyone noticing. So when your child interrupts you working for the fiftieth time, box breathe, so you can speak to them calmly and not snap. When your team make the same mistake again, box breathe. When your boss interrupts you in a meeting, box breathe. When you are looking at your to do list, box breathe. Before that big meeting, box breathe, Before a difficult conversation, box breathe. After a difficult conversation, box breathe. Make it part of your day, part of what you do repeatedly. Your body will thank you as you will have reduced tension, your mind will help you as it will have greater clarity, your family will thank you because you’re a kinder person to be around and your team will thank you for your professionalism and they will model your behaviours. Box breathing is breathing in for three, hold for three, out for three, hold for three. Do it three times.

Prioritise sleep over faffing about at night. Have a regular time that you start getting ready for bed and broadly stick to it. I get up about 6 every day so I generally start the process, putting the dishwasher on, tidying up the bits and pieces, checking the doors are locked at about 9.30pm. Sometimes I’m tempted to watch another episode of something thrilling on tv. Don’t. It’s not worth it for the impact it has on the next day. If I start my general prep around 9.30, I can then, most nights, ready for 10 - 15 minutes before turning off the light at about 10, which means I’m getting an 8 hour sleep opportunity, there or thereabouts. Getting regular good sleep means I’m a better person during each day, than if I don’t. It also means I’m protecting my body against all sorts of illnesses, big and little - I’m talking stroke, Alzheimer’s, cancers, cold and general aches and pains. Prioritise an 8 hour sleep opportunity over pretty much everything. I know it’s not always possible, but prioritising it mostly will help you live a better life and enjoy it more.

Stop trying to do everything every day to the best of your ability. Concentrate on three areas of your life each day and be great at those. Then swap in some other areas the next day and the next so all areas are covered. So stop trying to go to the gym every day, be the best parent ever every day, be the best CEO every day, the best daughter/son every day, the best friend, the best home-cooked meal provider, the best yogi. Whatever it is, give yourself a break. Striving to be superwoman/superman is only going to lead to exhaustion and resentment. So be a great CEO, daughter, mum today and go to the gym tomorrow and have a call with a friend. You can’t be everything to everyone every day and be happy and well rested. 3 areas a day is enough.

Schedule in relaxation. Relaxation/rest is not a waste of time. If you are a do-er, put it on a list and cross it off when you have done it. Rest/relaxation means whatever it does to you. No one else can decide what it is for you, but don’t kid yourself that gardening is a rest if it’s digging a massive hole to plant a tree in. It might be a rest for your mind but it’s not a rest for your body. Similarly, going for a run might be a mental recharge, but it’s not necessarily a physical one, though it can be, of course. Sit with a cup of tea for 10 minutes and look at the garden you have just worked in. Lie down on the floor after your run and enjoy the absolute support of the floor for all of your body. Take a few deep breaths, look at the sky, or the ceiling and lose yourself for a few minutes. Your body and your mind appreciate these things.

Have a weekend with no social commitments every now and again. It’s so freeing. Not having to be anywhere at a specific time, or dress in a certain way. Have a weekend when it’s all about you and your family and whatever you want to do, rather than conforming with others’ plans or desires. If you’re going to do this you need to get them into your diary well ahead of time. Or they’ll be swallowed up, be warned.

Review your life regularly. Not in a big way. Just for 5 minutes every now and again. You can ask yourself questions like: am I happy with the amount of time I spend with friends? Am I happy with my general mood on a daily basis? How tired do I feel? Is this acceptable to me? Is going to the gym on a Wednesday really working for me, or would it work better on a Thursday? Review isn’t always about setting goals and big changes. You can just make small tweaks. Tweaking your life in terms of what you do and when in order to make it work better or feel easier is a sensible thing to do. Do it regularly. I often do it when I’m in the car. But it can be a good shower thought too…

Don’t judge yourself. You are generally doing the best you can. Judging is about looking backwards. Whatever has happened we need to be looking forwards. Okay I shouldn’t have said that but what can I do to make sure I don’t say things like that again in the future? Or, okay I was lazy last week, what can I do to get back on it this week? Okay that relationship isn’t great historically, what can I do to make it better, or leave it behind? Life is about forward momentum. Don’t waste time judging yourself and look for a forward plan all the time.